you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
