; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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