It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
