Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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