I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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