He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
