I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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