I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's never too late to be topless.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
