Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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