Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
