The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
