Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
