last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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