I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
