I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
