dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
