we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
