well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
