So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
