I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
