I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
