I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
