Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
