I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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