i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
