When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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