sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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