When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I would fuck him just for his dog
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
