he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
