im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
