Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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