Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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