And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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