I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
