My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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