Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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