High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
