I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he told me I talked like a deaf person
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
