whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
