I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
