You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
