When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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