oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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