How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
