You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We need to rekindle our bromance
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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