She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
