I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
