i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
