How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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