I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
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