just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
