By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
