Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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