I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
3pm strippers are depressing
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
